June 12, 2012

允许我emo

请允许我emo
就那一小段的时间
其实应该要看开
考试考了整十七年
应该要麻木的
考到差不差要等成绩出来才知道
问题是我自己过不到我自己心里那关
不会做不是没有读,该读的我都读了,该背的都有背
结果打开试卷一看,傻眼,没有看过的图。。
心想这四个小时一定很得空了,不会做!
深呼吸一下,冷静一下,慢慢看,慢慢去了解。。
没办法了,用自己的理解能力了解了那个图,动笔了
一个新的东西,要花的时间要更多
之前考的四个小时已经是勉强足够罢了
这次的勉强做完90%,有40 %是因为知道时间不够所以有超快的速度做完的
不敢想象错的有多离谱,

对,不是我一个人不会,差不多全班的人都不会
可是那关我什么事?
我不会,是事实
我有我对自己的要求
起码我整份考卷答到整整齐齐
起码我可以全部做完
可是,我就是没有达到自己的目标
出来的成绩是另外一回事,至少我要对得起自己

仿佛没有人能了解
为什么我要为这事情emo

为什么我只是想讲一下罢了,却没有能倾诉的对象
或者是有个人可以和我乱聊一番,聊到我忘了。

这对我来说不是一件小事
所以请容许我emo




June 1, 2012

the day after the last

i thought, i thought the last assign, it can be finished without rushing, i will have no chance to rush anymore...and yet, "rushing" is still with me..for me, one third of the total time spent for assignment is not my works..i mean for the group works..i do really not understand why people can just left their works in such a "never mind" way..well, im still thanks god that im not same group with "horse" gang...@@

submitted the last assignment of my university life, what next?
study week..3 subjects 10 hours..is too less? honestly, i never face my notes for the whole sem..i feeling scared  but the tension level is still can be handled..because of immune already?
is too tired after the long term fighting? mentally tired? physically tired?
watching drama.....is the thing that i never do at here for these three years except at my home sweet home..
i changed after the last assignment submission...first time during study week...

anyway, please ohm up and fighting to the end...

anyone understand me?
im not qualified to ask this because im not really understand even one person beside me..
do not expect people totally understand u, only u understand the best of urself..
too bad, im the 100% scorpio, is so desperately need someone to understand me deeply without saying anything..even though it may ridiculous..

sometimes it is worse when feel pek chek with myself with everything goes wrong and out of my planned...emotional is always the one that i should improve..people who are cheerful should influence me for improvement..

offer and acceptance....
when u offer it, and offered a few times without acceptance by another, it will just left with speechless..