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有好多天晚上没有好好的睡
或者应该说是不眠的夜晚
有好几次是累到有要晕倒的感觉
有好几次是可以爱睡到在键盘上打字到一半可以睡着
靠的是意志
一直告诉自己不累，不会累
一直告诉自己还有一点，很快可以完成
睡少一点就可以了
那一天，有点撑不住的感觉，手不停的发抖，脚有点站不稳
那是我身体叫我去休息的呼唤
只要事情可以做完，我不介意敖多少个夜晚

还好，当熬夜时，不是一个人的敖，不是一个人默默的赶
我讨厌一个人的夜晚，想念那温暖的家

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i need someone to guide me to the right track

i really do not know how to proceed my works

i tried

but i really no idea on it

what should i do?

who can i say to?

im telling myself, im not tired at all

only myself know me the best

gal, u should be tough

take it easy

keep ur tears and cheers

rubbish proposal

people always say time is under your control

time management and planning are important

time constraint is just an excuse

alot of times are putting on that

though it is over and it should be over

but in fact it is not

i did put effort on it

well, may be other people put more than me

feeling sad...abit...when the works need to be upgraded again

i really do not feel like to do it anymore, already put too much of time on it

so now how many sleepless night again? or reduce how many

sleeping hours?

i totally tension...tension to the maximum

tension with the works that i hate, that i really not interested with

in fact, i still have to face it everyday and keep telling myself "u can do it", "u like it"

can i just left it don't upgrade it? it may just a rubbish proposal for all the examiners

i has planned, i planned eveything, planned for my time to meet all the deadlines

planning is nothing without implementation

i know about this

i implemented it and even not dare to go for what i wish to do even just go out for a dinner with the feeling of guilty when it cannot be finished on time

not dare to go home to see my lovely family although i miss them so so much

im not genius and so hope that i am

struggling for thesis and at the same time there are non stop coming tasks

2 more weeks for the draft

but now what is my findings?

i can finish it if and only if i have a sleepless body

if and only if im a robotic human

how i wish there is 48 hours per day

im not giving excuses but i am human

i wish can work non-stop also without the feeling of tiredness

she told me," all these are just the process that u have to go through, take it easy, when u free abit, come back home, i cook something delicious for u"

he told me," no need to worry about us, focus on ur works, the most important is able to graduate"

the little gal told me," i know u very stress, come, i tell u some jokes"

im fighting for them....

boring life

last semester

and my life is just too boring

wake up

brush teeth

do my stuffs

go to class

lunch time?

class again maybe

do my stuffs

dinner time?

take bath

continue to do my stuffs

go to sleep

it just like a cycle,everyday it repeating and repeating

it totally not my type and im totally not that type

and it forced me to change

change temporarily

for all the hell of stuffs

the life is dry and dull

i wish to escape everything

i wish to run away

to do something that i really wish to do and im really enjoy with

if im alone

if i do not have any burden

i have no choice to choose which color for my life now

no, there are 3 choices for me, black, white and may be grey

i should believe that what i did today, i will feel grateful on the next days

life is wonderful if i think it is

after 2 months,freedom will come back with me

and i do miss it very much

i feel breathless with the jail

i wish to fly, fly to a far far place

every corner of the world with my footprint

be patient, be hardworking

that are what i should to be

BUT,

i still want to shout

"MY LIFE IS TOO BORING!!!!"

催眠

以前熬夜是个习惯

现在熬夜却是折磨

老了

后遗症

头昏脑胀

脸要烂掉

很累

没有终点的累

有人说过

做自己喜欢做的事情从来不会觉得累

我很清楚

由始至终我从来没停止讨厌过

不断的催眠

也有醒来的一天

然而

却没有被允许停下脚步的一天

继续

继续自我催眠吧

题外话

*不喜欢

沉默中的我们*

煎熬

假期结束

别人都是这样post在fb

我的假期？

没有回家

没有煲电视剧

没有做过自己想做的事情

四天的沙巴之旅

坦白说

我没有享受到

没有真正大笑到

一直想着回来怎么办

东西做不完怎么办

最近都觉得很冷很冷

很想回家享受那一丝的温暖

很想大睡一觉

醒来时没有内疚感

煎熬